Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
