We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
