Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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