Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
