i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
