you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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