why didn't you poke me back
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
