Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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