if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
