My pussy is not your playground.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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