ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
