hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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