A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
