I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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