At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
