Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
this just has baby written all over it
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
