Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
