i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize