a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think your dad took our porno
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
