i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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