i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I need to sanitize my soul.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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