Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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