Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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