i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
