mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
