i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
