i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
