4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
