If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
