accomplished twins. life is a go
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Less talking, more tequila
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
