At least make sure they are 18
Why
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
