he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Two words: nipple clamps
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