grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
