i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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