I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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