Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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