I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
