i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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