This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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