oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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