i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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