I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize