dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
