That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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