thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
