Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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