$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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