It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
