Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
