i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
