u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
