My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
