the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize