I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
