and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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