I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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