And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I am puke
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
