Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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