called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
