Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
