From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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