Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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