i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
