Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
