we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The uberlube is also flammable
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
