ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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