If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
