would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
