I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
