he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
