my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
