Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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