i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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