she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I need moral support for this bender
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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