He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
