I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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