Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize