my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
