I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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